Cait/Alex

So this is a random and sort of personal post, and I realized before drawing it that… well I suck at furries and always have. I used to be “kitty cait” in my weeaboo days, but I don’t think I’ve really strayed that far from it. But I wanted to sort of draw a…. persona of myself. Brandon and I have noticed a lot in the last few weeks how much like a cat I am. I actually like being pet, especially with my hair as it’s drawn here; partially shaven on the sides with a flat moe-hawk-like style in the middle. The petting really comforts me.

There’s lotsa other things too, but rather than explain all that, I wanna talk about why I also drew a male version of myself, and signed as Alex. It’s… Come to my attention in the last couple of years that I’ve kind of been getting tired of being referred to as Caitlin. And I’ve always been on the fritz about identifying my own gender, because I don’t know where to start. I see a lot of people that just identify themselves as this, as that.

But I don’t specifically feel like I’m just female, or that I feel like a guy on the inside. I mean sometimes I wish, really wish I had both a vagina and a penis, and others I wish I could turn female organs off, and turn the male ones on. And like… to a serious degree, like I like certain things that I feel I should only like if I had the right parts to (if that’s too personal, it’s as vague as I’m getting), and other times I feel everything is just right. Sometimes I feel like I can get on a truck and throw boxes and chat with my guy coworkers, and other times I realize how out of place and insecure I feel doing certain things that I’ve been ok with in the past, when acting like the other… The other me? Does that make sense?

And I saw a post that I really related to about someone saying “sometimes I feel like being a boy, and other times I feel like being a girl.” And the other person in the post would refer to that person’s male name, and get no response, and then refer to their female name and get a response. (I can’t remember it exactly). And I don’t know what that type of thing is called, but I know for a fact I answer to Alex, and have since the beginning of the ATRP. I love the name Alex as much as I love my own name, and wish I could have/be referred to as both all the time (if it wouldn’t confuse people). And I don’t know if there’s any type of.. “Identity” to go by with this. For now I’m just Cait with a chance of Alex.